婆婆 (Paw Paw)

Today my family celebrated my grandmother’s birthday, this is my mom’s mother. In Cantonese it’s: 婆婆 (paw paw), in Canto culture, there’s a name for almost every single family member. Your grandparents have different names depending on which side of the family they are. If it was my dad’s mom, it would be: 嫲嫲 (maa maa).

I didn’t know much about my grandmother. Unfortunately, I’ve known her for more years at her gravestone than I have in person. The memories I have of her is foggy, I just knew she was my grandmother and she would cook food for me. 

I remember I would visit her in Salinas and then Stockton. And then the final memory of her the morning the ambulance came, and that was the last time I saw her. It was the first time I ever remember my mom crying. She didn’t pass that morning, but my parents said we were too young to see her at the hospital. Looking back, I think it was to protect my sister and I. A naive child remembering how “cool” it was to see firefighters and policemen in our house. I had no clue then. 

The memories later at the cemetery in Colma, Cypress Lawn, we would go a few times a year. Esp during the time of year when we would 拜神 (Bai Sun). This is when families would go to the cemetery to honor their loved ones. We would bring food to eat with the spirits, so many buns and dim sum and fruits. Then we would burn “money” and “clothes” (it was printed), but the thoughts is that it would go to the spirits for them to enjoy in the afterlife. With three bows of the incense, we place it in front of the tombstone. It’s joyous times when we can get together to celebrate, then we would walk around to other relatives and honor their spirits. When someone dies in our culture, they are not gone, just transitioned. We continue to honor them.

Though I haven’t had many memories of my personal experience with my grandmother, my mom told me this story that I would never forget. When my grandmother and mom lived in Hong Kong after escaping China, while my grandfather was in America, my grandmother essentially raised my mom for 16 years on her own. My mom tells me that whenever she went out to a friends or a party, my grandmother would just wait at the bus stop alone for my mom to get back, then they would walk together home. It’s a little thing, but has so much impact. Especially in an age now that we have Uber and cell phones. Part of me, as cheesy as it sounds, feels like my grandma is still patiently waiting for us at the bus stop. Happy birthday 婆婆.